I’ve had this blog post in my head for about a week, a running commentary, and I just now have the time to actually sit down to release it from my internal monologue. My favorite weekly in Boston has its “quality of life” index column that takes a view on the best and worst of the goings on in the city. Giving them positive or negative beans as scores, The Weekly Dig calculates the quality of life in my second city.
(Hold on a second, my food just arrived. I’m sitting in O’Neills at the airport - I know, I know, but it was either this or TGIFridays.)
So being that it was my last week in London, I’ve been keeping a tally of all the things I love and hate about the city. So here we go, assigning pints to the best and worst of London, in honor of the city I’m about to land in, and in celebration of the city I’ve called home for the last six months.
1. The “Green Olives” café on Great Portland Street, just a seven minute walk from my office. The offering here is not unlike the other hundred cafes and sandwich shops in the area, except this one is mine. You get a cup of the daily soup when you order a takeaway sandwich, which, for me, is usually the standard “Torino”: mozzarella, tomato and basil. For £2.85, I get my sandwich (sometimes with chicken pesto if I’m feeling splurge-y) and soup (its best when it’s courgette aka zucchini). Plus, they know me as a regular and the owner, who works the till, is always delightfully upbeat and friendly. Being a regular: plus 2 pints.
2. Pub culture. I love the pubs, all of them. In a city where you can live in England and not really experience England, I’d argue that it is the pubs that keep London uniquely English. You never know who you’ll meet at the pub. In fact, I’m pretty sure everyone that I’ve met in London, I met in the pub. Having a local: plus 4 pints.
3. Pigeons. If you’re reading this, then you already know of my paralyzing fear of pigeons. I realize it’s irrational; this acknowledgment has not made the fear diminish. These bird demons are FEARLESS in this city. I walk around them. I duck when they suddenly take flight into cruising altitudes at shoulder level and Concord speed. What’s worse, they’re everywhere. Bird flu: minus 5 pints.
4. The bus. Have I told you I love the bus? I love the bus. I love knowing where to catch buses, and I love knowing a bus’s route. This knowledge has become part of my superiority complex about London. Common routes include: the 19 (or 38), which runs from Finsbury Park through Angel (including the Sadler’s Wells dance theater) and Soho to Sloane Square; the 205, which runs from Old Street through Euston and Great Portland Street to Paddington; the 55, which runs to Hoxton Street; and the 274, which goes over the Waterloo Bridge, giving you one of my favorite bridge views of London. Then, of course, there is the Number 9 (including the N9), which will get your sorry self from Trafalgar Square through Soho and Knightsbridge to South Kensington. Intimately knowing your city and avoiding the tube: plus 3 pints.
5. Leicester Square. Home to crap clubs including Zoo Bar, Sports Café and a slew of others, I avoid Leicester Square and its pedestrian traffic at all costs. It’s a nightmare. Living in the BUNAC hostel, I lived six minutes from Leicester Square. Good only for its cinemas, this section of town is a total tourist trap and where you are most likely to be robbed. That said, the Brewmaster above the tube station is a fine pub (see number two). Hating tourists: even.
6. The South Bank. I like the South Bank because it’s the best spot to get a sense of London’s skyline. Along the Thames, you’ll find the National Theatre, lit in a bold, bright solid colors from night to night, the Tate Modern’s brutalist industrial column, the London Eye, the British Film Institute, the “Gherkin” (12 St. Mary’s Axe), city hall, Big Ben & the Houses of Parliament, and several notable bridges – including Embankment, Waterloo, London Bridge and the iconic Tower Bridge. Let me tell you: riding a red double-decker bus over Tower Bridge will make your heart beat. Mapping out cultural destinations, even if you haven’t been to all of them: plus one pint.
7. Time Out and the commuter dailies. London is one of the world’s largest and busiest cities, and yet there is an unbelievable sense of common conversation among its residents that I haven’t experienced in any other city, no matter its size – not Kansas City, not Boston or New York. I’ve identified two parts to this, one formal and one informal:
Informal: Every Londoner has this inherent repertoire of London topics to discuss with each other, starting with but not limited to: where they’re from, what they’re doing here and why they love London (because few people I meet are actually from London, and they’re enraptured by it too); the latest improvements or additions to the city, often at the doing by the Mayor (who, as far as I can tell, Londoners love to hate and seems to be doing a great job); any and all timely programming on the telly (including strange specials, X Factor, and a host of programmes featuring a number of UK social celebrities like footballer’s wives and former gameshow hosts), the latest celebrity gossip (usually Amy Winehouse, Kate Moss, Sienna Miller and maybe a royal or two). Londoners will also be up on football and rugby league standings and results (we’ll know this because we spend all our time in the pub) and also what shows are on in the West End and with which actors and directors and at which theatre. Even if you’re oblivious to this sort of thing, you’ll have passed all the bills lining the walls of the Underground, and see them advertised on every bus, telephone box and newsstand. I could go on with examples.
Formal: First, TimeOut localizes every inch of the city, covering its art, literary, music, nightlife and theater scenes, and then some, every week starting on Wednesday – which is when Londoners start planning and booking their weekends. This magazine, which is also published in a number of other international cities including New York, is the listings bible to all things happening in the city. Second, there are the daily commuter papers. Everyone picks up the free papers from the poor bastards handing them to every person on the street. The London Lite is a bit trashier and is more poorly written than The London Paper, but the Lite is printed with ink that doesn’t come off on your hands.
Being in the know, for once: plus 2 pints
8. Style. The classic London fashion is the ‘European or Gay?’ look, where all the men are so stunningly put together that you’re unsure of their preferences. Rest assured, they’re just British. This fabulousness is best exemplified by Jude Law in “Alfie.” Yum. Then, there is a trendy, alternative look that Londoners under 30 seem to rock. It’s a cooler version of hipster style with retro flair. I admit I was hesitant to embrace it (duh, obviously) but I fully admit that my slate grey skinny jeans and fabulous new blues heels is now my favorite look. Rock it with the black and white polka-dot headscarf from the vintage store, and it’s like East London threw me up. But perhaps the coolest thing about London alt fashion is that it is very, very individual. Being mistaken for a Londoner: plus 4 pints.
9. Everything in London is 45 minutes away. This statement is true. If you are going from Angel to Tottenham Court Road – 45 minutes. Old Street to Oxford Street – 45 minutes. Hammersmith to Hoxton, and even Soho to the South Bank – 45 minutes. In London, travel time is not determined by distance, it is determined by waiting for transport and then traffic. All that said, you can walk anywhere and everywhere: even.
10. Camden Town. I didn’t use to like Camden. It intimidated me, and I thought it was only good for its drug and goth/punk scenes. In actuality, it’s one of London’s coolest spots, once you walk past all the aforementioned paraphernalia. Sadly, The Hawley Arms recently burned down, along with I think about 300 market stalls. Camden is home to some unbelievably delicious food in the market, hookah bars, fashionable stalls chalk full of all sorts of treasure, and a ‘see and be seen’ attitude. A great Sunday afternoon and new accessories: Plus three pints.
11. Coffee. In London, if you’re not drinking a pint, you’ve got a latte in hand. It’s no Italy or Austria, but the coffee here is amazing. I’ve reached a point where I don’t add sugar to my coffee; these double espressos are like battery acid, it’ll jumpstart you and keep you going. Forget the afternoon tea – this city guzzles its coffee. And as long as you don’t pay Starbucks prices, you can even afford one or two cups a day. Adopting the Italian way: plus one pint.
Total pints: 15
See the thing is, for me, London contains everything I could need or want - if it’s happening anywhere it’s happening in London. Communications/marketing, theatre and art, sport, transport, music scene, nightlife for every mood and taste, and European culture – it’s my perfect city life wrapped up with one big bow. This city has a fantastic spirit. People here are quick to compare London and New York; and New Yorkers might reiterate everything I’ve said above in regards to NYC. Though I haven’t spent much time in New York, I haven’t fallen in love with it yet; in London, it was love at first sight. For me, New York is hard to navigate, is hugely spread out, and the sidewalks can be dog eat dog! I haven’t found the same charm, the sense of community or my own favorite local spots. Friends tell me I’ll discover New York and come to feel the same way about it, and I hope they’re right.
So there you have it. In an arbitrary and meaningless points system totaling 15 pints, one negative and 10 positive factors combine to make the quality of life in London pretty unbelievable. At the end of the day, there are very few things in London that I dislike – the tube when I could take the bus (it’s so far underground and crowded – but it’s unbelievably fast and efficient), the cost of living is high and the American dollar is weak (deal with it) and the pigeons really are intrepid. Truly, the worst part of London is that there aren’t enough hours in the day to enjoy it fully.
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